First Day Back!

I'm not sure how it is for others but usually my first day back from vacation is kind of rough.  There is so much to catch up on.  Emails to respond to, calls to return and a pile of work to wade through.  Vacation for me is usually a week or two at a time.  Imagine what's waiting after 6 weeks!  The truth is, returning to the office today was wonderful.  I feel lighter, younger, focused and most importantly...free.  I was able to release so much of the weight I have been carrying and properly embrace the high level of loss I have experienced.  The staff I get to serve with is remarkable.  They are so encouraging.  I am holding tightly to Paul's words to the Philippian church, "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."  Never, never ever think for a moment that God will forget about you or stop short in getting you to where He wants you to be.

Time To Run!

Last night of a tremendous 6 week break.  Easily some of the greatest, challenging, stretching and healing experiences I have yet to live.  Never imagined that while my 60th birthday looms out ahead of me I would be immersed in such rigorous interactions with my Lord.  I am deeply touched that so many of you followed along with me on this blog and supported me in prayer.  I felt each and every one.  My intention was to close out this blog at the conclusion of my sabbatical but I may keep it open as an ongoing journal simply because it's going to take some time for me to unpack and absorb all the things He has helped me through. 

Thanks again to all the saints at Grace Church for giving me this gift and for covering my responsibilities while I was away.    

Many New Friends!

Congrats to the people of Christ Church of West County!  I had the privilege of worshiping with them this morning at their first service held in a local middle school.  Enjoyed talking with some of the core team after the service.  During my time off I have been able to visit several local churches around the area.  Though the faces are different and the expression of worship vary, there is an undeniable bond and common vision that flows from the Spirit who directs all who yield to Him.  The church is unlike anything else on Earth. 

And In The End...

I haven't worn a watch in nearly 6 weeks.  I haven't received a single phone call or email  other than from my family and I haven't had one scheduled event.  This was all be design, crafted by some folks who really care about me.  I have been trying to formulate some kind of closing review for this experience and just don't seem to have it all sorted out yet.  I do know this.  I was months maybe days away from blowing apart and would have done so without this break.  God knew it, He made others aware and here we are.  There is still so much to walk through but I know that I know I have been restored.  God is a finisher.  He completes what He starts.  I praise His name.

The Personal Savior

Above all else, the thing that keeps pumping through my heart is how precisely personal God has been to me over the past 5+ weeks.  I have always marveled how keenly Jesus would notice the "person" over the crowds.  A short man gazing from a tree gets to share  a meal with God, a reclusive sick woman gets His full attention when she touches his clothes and her illness evaporates, a man loaded with demons is restored, a respected religious leader gets a one on one audience with His creator...etc.  Day after day, God has been doing things for me that have brought me to tears.  Personal things that only He could have known I needed.  It has humbled me so deeply that I have had a hard time trying to explain it even to Annie.  I am exceedingly blessed.  These words penned by David have never held the level of intimacy they do now.

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.  Where can I go from your Spirit?  Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,  your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Questions???

Christian life is both a destination and a journey. The destination is God, and if you are a believer in Jesus, you have already arrived at the destination. The journey is the unpacking of all that you received at the moment your life with God began.  Eph 1:3

Part of my evolving journey has to do with how I interact with God.  When hard things happen,  it's easy to ask God, “Why me?”  The problem with this question is that it keeps the focus on ME.  You can become a victim of other peoples’ actions, circumstances beyond your control, fate, or whatever. Still in the middle of some of the same circumstances that had not gotten better or changed, my question became, “God, what are You doing in allowing this in my life?” I believe that what God does not prevent, He does permit. God could stop any particular event or circumstance in my life at any time. If I am in the middle of something right now, apparently He has chosen not to prevent it. God, what are You doing in allowing this in my life? It felt like a valid question to ask, but in time I realized that with that question, deep down in my heart I was blaming God. And I was angry with Him for not making things better. My focus was still on me and my sorrow.

I do believe in God’s unconditional love. I have come to understand that everything God allowed in my life was out of His love for me. In the painful times this does not make sense to my rational mind, and that is when faith urges me to choose to believe. So, recently I have been asking God, “Would you reveal Your love to me in the middle of this?” In the moment, it changes my focus from me and my circumstance to God and His love. Everyday the unpacking of what He has given me soaked in His love is the journey of bending my skeptical bruised heart toward the reality of His love.  I press on.

House guests!

What an awesome night.  Our dinner guests, both in their 80's, treated us to family stories loaded with things I had never heard.  These two could have their own stand-up show and kill people with their impeccable timing and delivery.  These are the true treasures God had placed in our lives.  Treasures will never be contained in wood, gems or metal, they are the people we love and are loved by.  When you get beat up by tragic loss, you tend to withdraw from these treasures because you can't bear the thought of them being taken away.  The withdrawal is deadly because you stop living, engaging, laughing, saying what's on your heart, embracing, appreciating...etc.

Thank you Lord God for the many many treasures in my life.  

Thoughts From The Past Two Days!

Words.  They can contain so much potential for life, support and encouragement or they can bring damage, embarrassment or disgrace to an others soul. Thank you to those who sent a card or left a message over these past 5 weeks.  Aaron, the guy who leads our staff sent such a helpful note yesterday.  I think of Aaron often because I've watched him come up through our children's ministry, youth ministry and now he plays a key role on our staff.  My opinion, that's exactly how it should be in church life.  People are built up in faith and their gifts and purpose are unlocked as we experience life together.

Great time of worship this morning with the folks at Elevate Church.  The service was built around the theme of boldness.  The take-away point for me was: Boldness is a behavior born out of belief.  They spoke about Peter and his ever growing boldness centered on belief in Jesus.  Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus. Acts 4:13

Each day I have been on this respite has been an ongoing mix of incredible advancement and brutal set-backs.  That's what happens in the early period of walking away from one thing and moving toward another.  There is a bit of tug-of-war and you're the rope. 

A Good Day

So much change so quickly.  Change that may only make sense to me for now.  The last five weeks have certainly had times of rest and refreshment but there has been a great deal of work processing all that has happened and the new skills I've acquired to keep a healthy pace ahead of the past.  Invested myself in the grand-kids today.  Hours in the pool and man am I burnt.  I love those guys so much.

I have rediscovered worship and all that happens to the human soul when it's brought before mighty God even in the worst of situations.  One night in early June, I was succumbing to sorrow and having a very tough time breaking through it.  I found these words in one of my readings.  They describe the setting and circumstances Paul and Silas found themselves when the broke into worship at midnight in a Roman jail.

A Roman prison was a place of nearly instant mental illness; it only took a few nights in this fetid, black place to lose one's mind. Set down in the belly of the earth, it was a place that reeked of urine and vomit. Prisoners received only one meal per day that consisted of moldy bread and tepid, dirty water that had already been used for other, unmentionable things. Each time a guard would bring food, he would make sure to kick the prisoner in a place that it would do the most damage and bring the most pain. Roman prisoners would sit in their own excrement day after endless day. And then there were the varmints and insects that continually crawled over the body of a prisoner.

At about midnight, when most people give up in despair and sink into depression, Paul and Silas found joy! They discovered it in the putrid smell of prison and in the dank and damp of hopelessness. They discovered joy with their feet bound in purposeless and in the sewage of their own existence.  Paul and Silas chose to worship Jesus at the very worst moment of their life. Paul and Silas found joy! Now ... what's your excuse?!  As Christians, we have a responsibility ... yes ... a divine duty even ... to meet the very worst that life offers with a joy that is defiant!  When you choose to break out into unrestrained worship at the midnight hour of your life, watch out! Heaven may begin to rock the foundations of your life in order to set you free from the circumstances that bind you.

I remember diving into worship that evening in spite of all that I was feeling.  It was such a great moment and the momentum of that night continues to push me forward with praise and thanksgiving.  

Independance Day!

On July 4, 1776, we claimed our independence from Britain and Democracy was born. Even now, thousands leave their homeland to come to the “land of the free and the home of the brave” so they can begin their American Dream.  The United States is truly a diverse nation made up of dynamic people. Each year on July 4, Americans celebrate that freedom and independence with barbecues, picnics, and family gatherings.  Our country is far from perfect but I feel extremely fortunate to have lived my life in America.  This particular July 4th will always stand as a reminder that God worked in a powerful way over the summer of 2012.  I found freedoms that eluded me my entire life and they weren't embedded in the Constitution or the Bill of Rights.  As powerful as those two documents are, they can't reach deep enough into the human heart to capture the power of these words.   "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."  I've read these words so many times.  I have preached these words to others.  This summer, the truth of these words rested in my life.  To God be the glory!

Happy Birthday, America!

Road Trip-3 Days Away From My Computer

Annie and I took a little road trip and went exploring around Cleveland.  We live right in the middle of Cleveland, Buffalo, Pittsburgh and Toronto.  We've spent a bunch of time investigating all of these cities--except Cleveland.  We stayed in Beechwood and had a great time checking out the local stuff and found a few amazing restaurants.   Top of the list.  Abuelo's Mexican Restaurant. Has the same feel and ambiance of Cheesecake Factory with a south of the border flare.  Food was perfect.  Also, Maggiano's Little Italy was a blast.  Felt like we were on the set of a wiseguys movie.  The room had a honest vintage feel and the food was the real deal.  Crazy, if you order a classic pasta dish, they give you a free pasta meal to take home with you, complements of the chef.  Never heard of that before.  

OK, I sound like I'm writing a food review.  The best part of this trip or any trip for me is always the same thing.  Spending time with Annie.  I love this woman so much and having yet another opportunity to get away was wonderful.  I continue to grow stronger, more hopeful and enjoy an ever deepening gratitude in all that my God has done for me.