First Day Back!

I'm not sure how it is for others but usually my first day back from vacation is kind of rough.  There is so much to catch up on.  Emails to respond to, calls to return and a pile of work to wade through.  Vacation for me is usually a week or two at a time.  Imagine what's waiting after 6 weeks!  The truth is, returning to the office today was wonderful.  I feel lighter, younger, focused and most importantly...free.  I was able to release so much of the weight I have been carrying and properly embrace the high level of loss I have experienced.  The staff I get to serve with is remarkable.  They are so encouraging.  I am holding tightly to Paul's words to the Philippian church, "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."  Never, never ever think for a moment that God will forget about you or stop short in getting you to where He wants you to be.

Time To Run!

Last night of a tremendous 6 week break.  Easily some of the greatest, challenging, stretching and healing experiences I have yet to live.  Never imagined that while my 60th birthday looms out ahead of me I would be immersed in such rigorous interactions with my Lord.  I am deeply touched that so many of you followed along with me on this blog and supported me in prayer.  I felt each and every one.  My intention was to close out this blog at the conclusion of my sabbatical but I may keep it open as an ongoing journal simply because it's going to take some time for me to unpack and absorb all the things He has helped me through. 

Thanks again to all the saints at Grace Church for giving me this gift and for covering my responsibilities while I was away.    

Many New Friends!

Congrats to the people of Christ Church of West County!  I had the privilege of worshiping with them this morning at their first service held in a local middle school.  Enjoyed talking with some of the core team after the service.  During my time off I have been able to visit several local churches around the area.  Though the faces are different and the expression of worship vary, there is an undeniable bond and common vision that flows from the Spirit who directs all who yield to Him.  The church is unlike anything else on Earth. 

And In The End...

I haven't worn a watch in nearly 6 weeks.  I haven't received a single phone call or email  other than from my family and I haven't had one scheduled event.  This was all be design, crafted by some folks who really care about me.  I have been trying to formulate some kind of closing review for this experience and just don't seem to have it all sorted out yet.  I do know this.  I was months maybe days away from blowing apart and would have done so without this break.  God knew it, He made others aware and here we are.  There is still so much to walk through but I know that I know I have been restored.  God is a finisher.  He completes what He starts.  I praise His name.

The Personal Savior

Above all else, the thing that keeps pumping through my heart is how precisely personal God has been to me over the past 5+ weeks.  I have always marveled how keenly Jesus would notice the "person" over the crowds.  A short man gazing from a tree gets to share  a meal with God, a reclusive sick woman gets His full attention when she touches his clothes and her illness evaporates, a man loaded with demons is restored, a respected religious leader gets a one on one audience with His creator...etc.  Day after day, God has been doing things for me that have brought me to tears.  Personal things that only He could have known I needed.  It has humbled me so deeply that I have had a hard time trying to explain it even to Annie.  I am exceedingly blessed.  These words penned by David have never held the level of intimacy they do now.

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.  Where can I go from your Spirit?  Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,  your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Questions???

Christian life is both a destination and a journey. The destination is God, and if you are a believer in Jesus, you have already arrived at the destination. The journey is the unpacking of all that you received at the moment your life with God began.  Eph 1:3

Part of my evolving journey has to do with how I interact with God.  When hard things happen,  it's easy to ask God, “Why me?”  The problem with this question is that it keeps the focus on ME.  You can become a victim of other peoples’ actions, circumstances beyond your control, fate, or whatever. Still in the middle of some of the same circumstances that had not gotten better or changed, my question became, “God, what are You doing in allowing this in my life?” I believe that what God does not prevent, He does permit. God could stop any particular event or circumstance in my life at any time. If I am in the middle of something right now, apparently He has chosen not to prevent it. God, what are You doing in allowing this in my life? It felt like a valid question to ask, but in time I realized that with that question, deep down in my heart I was blaming God. And I was angry with Him for not making things better. My focus was still on me and my sorrow.

I do believe in God’s unconditional love. I have come to understand that everything God allowed in my life was out of His love for me. In the painful times this does not make sense to my rational mind, and that is when faith urges me to choose to believe. So, recently I have been asking God, “Would you reveal Your love to me in the middle of this?” In the moment, it changes my focus from me and my circumstance to God and His love. Everyday the unpacking of what He has given me soaked in His love is the journey of bending my skeptical bruised heart toward the reality of His love.  I press on.

House guests!

What an awesome night.  Our dinner guests, both in their 80's, treated us to family stories loaded with things I had never heard.  These two could have their own stand-up show and kill people with their impeccable timing and delivery.  These are the true treasures God had placed in our lives.  Treasures will never be contained in wood, gems or metal, they are the people we love and are loved by.  When you get beat up by tragic loss, you tend to withdraw from these treasures because you can't bear the thought of them being taken away.  The withdrawal is deadly because you stop living, engaging, laughing, saying what's on your heart, embracing, appreciating...etc.

Thank you Lord God for the many many treasures in my life.